At Rambling Ranch, today is
Friday - July 30, 2010
An Introduction for
Citizen of the Year
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The following article appeared in the Climax Cocklebur,
the leading newspaper of Climax, Texas.
"Ira Will McComic, the Independent Rambling Ambassador of Climax, Texas, was asked to speak at the annual award ceremony honoring Climax's Citizen of the Year and to introduce this year's award winner. The following is Ambassador McComic's address to the assembly."
An Introduction for Citizen of the Year
"I’m pleased to have been invited here on this occasion wherein I am to introduce the man who is the cause of this assembly. But, I must confess, I don’t know this gentleman.
"That’s sometimes the case when I’m asked to say some words on occasions such as this. It sometimes happens that the organizers of these events run into a brick wall in attempting to find a qualified candidate for an introuction; that is, someone who knows the introducee and still has anything favorable to say about the subject. And, I suppose, that may be true in this case since I was called upon only at the last minute and haven’t really had time to learn anything about the gentleman in question.
"I suppose I could take the easy way out and tell you that I do know the man and then wax eloquent about his attributes: how he is such a pillar of the community, how he cares for his aged mother, how he once rescued my cat from a tree, how I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend to anyone that he was suitable to raise that person’s only child if that person were to meet an untimely demise due to being struck by lightning or some such unfortunate act of nature, thereby leaving that person’s only progeny an orphan. Yes, I could say those things about this person, but I won’t. In fact, I can’t. That’s simply because of my nature; a nature that compels me to never tell a lie.
"My nature is one of such honesty, such pureness, such unbesmirched integrity, and uncommon devotion to truthfulness that I can't lie. I can’t even keep a secret. Oh, and it’s a curse.
"You don't know how many times I've wanted, fully intended, even vowed, to withhold information divulged to me in strictest confidence. And I tried; I sincerely tried to withhold it. Yet, alas, my uncompromising nature of unsullied honesty and fortified forthrightness compelled me ultimately to spill the beans and pass along those bits of juicy gossip.
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